jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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