Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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