The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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