you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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