True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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