He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
