I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Terrible idea I love it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
