If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
