So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
