You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
