cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
