Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this boner is exhausting
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A+ Viking dick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
