Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
