He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
