You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
