She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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