wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
