oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
