Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
