My Higher Power is John Stamos
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
