she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
