I need help removing her.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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