her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
