no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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