I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
