The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
