Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
