So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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