You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
