no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
