I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
