She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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