then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
