Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
