??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
