What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
