you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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