it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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