I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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