So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
