"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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