remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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