please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
