elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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