This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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