Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
