Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
im on a boat
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