Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
