he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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