Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
