I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
