we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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