hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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