I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
